Endings

Sometimes it's not fun when things have to end. That goes with many things in life. Letting go is hard. 

If you read this blog much, you know that I had high hopes for making a go of a business venture with Avon. I have to admit that I failed with that.  It was a disheartening defeat.  I'm not an in your face sales person, so I suppose it wasn't a good fit for me.

Recently, I left a Facebook group that I've belonged to for a significant period of time. To my knowledge, no one has noticed. I guess that proves to me that it was a good time to exit because I think I really needed to let go of a pattern within myself.  Although I miss the group a bit, I'll soon fill my mind and time with other things.

That's the thing with endings.  They create new beginnings.

I've been trying to end my procrastination, but that ending is a very hard one for me.  I think my fear of failure gets wrapped up in it.  I catch myself procrastination writing.  It's silly because it is the one thing I feel I'm good at but yet worry about harsh judgments about it. Some days I don't do any writing and then beat myself up about it.  Procrastination calls for a needed ending for sure.

Another thing I decided to end is by choice. I've been taking a statin medication and the side effects of this one are weight gain, swelling, and muscle/nerve pain.  This is the second statin I've tried. The first caused crippling nausea and vomiting. I am not going to take it.  The weight gain in itself will eventually create other health problems that don't need to be conceived. The doctor is going to have to work with me on finding an alternative or I will do without it.  Cholesterol has as of yet not been an issue of my many.  This preventative measure just feels wrong and in my mind it screams bad idea.  I'm ending it before it gets started. Quality of life is worth something to me.

I'm going to temporarily end my cheap attitude of not spending significant money on myself.  I think I need new glasses. The glasses I'm wearing are ok but not perfect.  I shouldn't have to sit on top of the computer monitor to see perfectly.  Our insurance only pays for glasses every two years. I got new glasses after cataracts surgery in 2015. Those glasses never did suit me and I got different ones after that.  I'm sort of lost in the process. I think I'll just suck it up and see what insurance will or will not pay for at this time. I need to see what I'm doing easily and effortlessly.

Another thing I really need to end is the mean reaction I have toward myself when I perceive I've failed.  The statin drug issue is a prime example. The weight gain has been a big issue in my own mind.  The last visit I had with my doctor I got a big speech on watching what I eat, exercise, and cutting back on salt.  I had already done all of those things and I took the full blame for my weight. I thought I had to be doing something wrong.  Then one day out of boredom I did a vocal command on my phone to research the prescription I was taking.  Bingo. There was the answer.  I felt such relief to realize that it wasn't all on me.  I'm going to do this same vocal search for my doctor the next time I see  him. Part of me is furious and the other part wants to cry.

So, I'm going to pledge to myself to be stronger about having the courage to end things.  I've going to listen to that little voice in my head that has a good idea now and then. 

Famed author, Louise Hay, has this wonderful affirmation, "I bless the past with love and let it go." I am going to repeat it over and over to myself to bring about a positive new beginning.

Thank you for reading.

Sherry

Flash Fiction - The Sound Of Thunder

I've decided to try an experiment of flash fiction here on my blog. This statement defines what that is:

Wikipedia

Flash fiction is a style of fictional literature of extreme brevity. There is no widely accepted definition of the length of the category. Some self-described markets for flash fiction impose caps as low as fifty three words, while others consider stories as long as a thousand words to be flash fiction.

I hope you will enjoy the stories in this series. Your comments are always appreciated.

Sherry

The Sound Of Thunder

By Sherry Louise Stoll

(All Rights Reserved)

She liked to write. She wanted to write. She sat down at the computer and stared at the blinking cursor. In boredom, she got up and put a pocket sandwich in the microwave and turned on the radio. The local college station was starting a play by play of a women's basketball game. “Poor girls.” she thought. They had endured a year and a half of a losing coach who blamed the team for every loss they had by always saying in radio interviews, “They didn't come to play.” She guessed he didn't want to play either because he quit without notice several games ago.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys.” she thought as she spit out the the first bite of her pocket sandwich. Her pop didn't do much to combat the flaming hot lava burning her mouth.

A sound and reverberation similar to thunder drew her attention to the back porch of her little farm house. The hair on the back of her neck prickled up a bit. It was about 12 degrees in the middle of winter without much hope of a thunderstorm. She listened quietly and hoped no one was out there. She wondered if one of her outdoor cats had body slammed the storm door. She turned up the radio and went back to staring at the daunting cursor.

Inwardly, she smiled because she knew no one who knew her would believe that she sat home alone all dressed up in her jewelry and bright lipstick while listening to a pair of basketball games. They might expect her to squeeze out a poem or something, but not to enjoy sports.

A fan at the game on the radio was beginning to irritate her. He was like a toddler learning that his voice carries in a gym. “Whoa............................................................,” until he ran out of breath was all he could do no matter what either team did. She had no idea who he was rooting for. Maybe she would write about him. But, the porch drew her attention again.

More thunder? Really? She thought not. She crept from her desk in the dining room and through her kitchen. She pulled a small portion of her curtain to the side in anticipation of something to debunk this sound. Nothing.

She clicked off the kitchen light. It was getting harder to breathe as she was realizing that there had to be someone or something on the porch. Standing in the dark by her kitchen door leading to the door to her porch, the floor rumbled with the next sound of thunder. She really wished it actually was thunder. Her stomach was starting to roll because she was losing hope of that.

Where was her cellphone? She felt her pocket and only found her lipstick and a crumpled tissue.

Her mind raced with what she should do. Should she run to the front door with the keys to the car? She thought she wasn't fast enough because she would have to go near the back porch, leap in and drive away. She would reveal herself if she opened the door to the porch. Where was her phone? She had turned off the lights in the house and now didn't have the guts to turn them back on. She was near a panic attack.

Tears rolled down her face as she felt and heard more of this mysterious thunder. This time it was accompanied by the click of a vehicle door. She thought she heard voices but she really wasn't sure.

She braced herself with her back against the kitchen door and tried to calm herself with prayer. “Dear Lord, please protect me and my animals.” She clenched her eyes closed as she prayed.

Next thing she knew, she heard what sounded to her, like a strong electrical device being turned on. She opened her eyes and promptly fainted. Standing in front of her in her kitchen were two little green men. The electrical sound she heard was light moving toward her to beam her inside a spinning airship waiting for her.

She woke up to the sound of her cellphone dinging because it needed to be put on the charger. She vaguely remembered misplacing it. Sitting at her desk with that silly cursor still blinking at her, she figured it really had to be thunder that she had heard. Her banging head sure felt like there was moisture in the air. She thought she must have fallen asleep in her chair because the basketball games were over and the radio was deep into its next section of programming.

She still hadn't written a word.

The Sound Of Thunder

By Sherry Louise Stoll

(All Rights Reserved)

Author's Bio

Sherry Louise Stoll is the author of I Am Blessed. A Collection Of Faith Based Prayers and Affirmations. Sherry enjoys life with her husband on a 160 acre cattle ranch near Maryville, Missouri.

http://www.sherrylouisestoll.com

A Ramble About Snow, Blood Sugar, And Washing Dishes

A Ramble …

It's snowing here today. We have a winter weather advisory until midnight. The forecast is for up to four inches. I remember when I was a kid that four inches was nothing. We used to get the big snows back then. They were the kind where all the snow had to be pushed into the middle of Main Street and then hauled off in trucks. Both climate and perception seem to have changed.

All I did today was “think” about a Little Debbie Star Crunch and my blood sugar went up. That really irritates me and sometimes makes me wonder why I even try. I had a very healthy lunch and just fantasized about the treat. Maybe it's the weather causing me a bit of anxiety or I'm confusing hunger with the emotion. It's probably good that I have no Star Crunches in the house or I would have one.

I could be washing a few dishes, but I always tell my husband that after 8 p.m the kitchen is closed and I am going to stick to my word. :)

Thanks for reading.  

Check out the sales for cool Valentine's Day gifts at Zazzle ...
http://www.zazzle.com/holiday+gifts?rf=238443968683399876

Check out my book at my new website.

http://www.sherrylouisestoll.com 

Cataracts And Crochet

(stock photo)

Today, I've been working on an afghan I started to crochet in 2014. It's going to be about 36 x 36 inches. My intention when I began was to make it as baby blanket that I would save to give as a gift at a later time.

My kink in that plan was an unexpected bout with cataracts in both eyes. It caused me much distress throughout 2015. I lived much of that year in fear. I just didn't find it to be the easy surgery that everyone told me it would be.

I needed to get into the mindset for healing. At one point, I just literally gave up. I gave all of my precious yarn to the local thrift store. I didn't think I would ever touch it again.

Today, when I picked up the old project, if was to prove to myself that I could still see in enough detail that I could crochet. My vision is nowhere like it was before cataracts, but I'm learning that if I stretch my hands out and hold things at a farther distance that I used to that I can see things better than up close. I'm learning to adapt.

The cataracts was very hard for me because this was the year I turned 50. I felt old. I felt defeated. And, to top it off, I was writing a book of faith based prayers and affirmations.

To say the least, I felt conflicted.

I found a way to push through and found my way through to publication. I spent many hours with my nose practically pushed against the computer monitor.

I never thought God would abandon me.

God had me right where he wanted me to be. I was doing my writing from home and was blessed with a husband who is a wonderful caregiver. I had insurance that covered most of the thousands of dollars for both surgeries. My husband is blessed with an income that would cover the rest.

My 2015 was a year of being tested and humbled over and over again.

I am thankful for the growth and for the yarn project I saved in my throwing out frenzy.

I can see much better and I can adapt with my crochet hook. I learned that fear about my eyes could not defeat me with God standing near me.

Here's to a better 2016.

Thanks for reading.

Sherry

Hello, Mr. Frog

Hello, Mr. Frog …

One of my favorite sounds of spring is the croaking of fogs on our pond. It's a very soothing sound for me. It's such a sound of rebirth compared to the harsh whistling of the cold winds of winter.

So, as I began to be entertained by the frogs a few weeks ago, I was down in my basement doing some laundry when my thoughts turned to spiders. I'm not a huge fan of them. I had the passing thought that I could use a frog in my basement to eat the spiders. I live in a little old farmhouse and I gave myself a chuckle with the thought.

As I came up my basement stairs, I said a prayer. “Dear, Lord; Could you please send me an angel to rid my house of spiders? This I pray in the name of Jesus, Amen.”

I never thought anymore about it.

A few days later, we had a thunderstorm and water came into my unfinished basement. Clean up ensued.

Later, when I was back upstairs at the computer, I heard a single frog croaking.

I smiled.

Opening up the basement door and standing at the top at the stairway, I sure enough heard the frog croak again. I said, “Hello, Mr. Frog.”

Then I realized that I needed to thank God for my angel to rid my house of spiders. Who knew it would be a frog?