Endings

Sometimes it's not fun when things have to end. That goes with many things in life. Letting go is hard. 

If you read this blog much, you know that I had high hopes for making a go of a business venture with Avon. I have to admit that I failed with that.  It was a disheartening defeat.  I'm not an in your face sales person, so I suppose it wasn't a good fit for me.

Recently, I left a Facebook group that I've belonged to for a significant period of time. To my knowledge, no one has noticed. I guess that proves to me that it was a good time to exit because I think I really needed to let go of a pattern within myself.  Although I miss the group a bit, I'll soon fill my mind and time with other things.

That's the thing with endings.  They create new beginnings.

I've been trying to end my procrastination, but that ending is a very hard one for me.  I think my fear of failure gets wrapped up in it.  I catch myself procrastination writing.  It's silly because it is the one thing I feel I'm good at but yet worry about harsh judgments about it. Some days I don't do any writing and then beat myself up about it.  Procrastination calls for a needed ending for sure.

Another thing I decided to end is by choice. I've been taking a statin medication and the side effects of this one are weight gain, swelling, and muscle/nerve pain.  This is the second statin I've tried. The first caused crippling nausea and vomiting. I am not going to take it.  The weight gain in itself will eventually create other health problems that don't need to be conceived. The doctor is going to have to work with me on finding an alternative or I will do without it.  Cholesterol has as of yet not been an issue of my many.  This preventative measure just feels wrong and in my mind it screams bad idea.  I'm ending it before it gets started. Quality of life is worth something to me.

I'm going to temporarily end my cheap attitude of not spending significant money on myself.  I think I need new glasses. The glasses I'm wearing are ok but not perfect.  I shouldn't have to sit on top of the computer monitor to see perfectly.  Our insurance only pays for glasses every two years. I got new glasses after cataracts surgery in 2015. Those glasses never did suit me and I got different ones after that.  I'm sort of lost in the process. I think I'll just suck it up and see what insurance will or will not pay for at this time. I need to see what I'm doing easily and effortlessly.

Another thing I really need to end is the mean reaction I have toward myself when I perceive I've failed.  The statin drug issue is a prime example. The weight gain has been a big issue in my own mind.  The last visit I had with my doctor I got a big speech on watching what I eat, exercise, and cutting back on salt.  I had already done all of those things and I took the full blame for my weight. I thought I had to be doing something wrong.  Then one day out of boredom I did a vocal command on my phone to research the prescription I was taking.  Bingo. There was the answer.  I felt such relief to realize that it wasn't all on me.  I'm going to do this same vocal search for my doctor the next time I see  him. Part of me is furious and the other part wants to cry.

So, I'm going to pledge to myself to be stronger about having the courage to end things.  I've going to listen to that little voice in my head that has a good idea now and then. 

Famed author, Louise Hay, has this wonderful affirmation, "I bless the past with love and let it go." I am going to repeat it over and over to myself to bring about a positive new beginning.

Thank you for reading.

Sherry